Anne Babson

Apple

1)
Table 42–the ones making noise before they even get
settled in their seats there?
Yes, yes, quarante-deux to you–them.
They need a booster for the kid.

2)
We've come all this way for nothing!
What if they don't accept him now? Why would you make
a crack like that about Catholics?
The man's name is O'Rourke, for chrissake!
Yes, he's a math prodigy, and yes, you're a graduate
from there, but what if
They don't care about that now that you've insulted
the dean's family?

I blame you! You're never around! You don't listen
any more than he does!
No wonder he barely says anything! Look at him!
It's all your goddammed fault. Your family is the one
that's obsessive, not mine.

Just try to pretend that you care about us at the
applicants' reception tomorrow.
Can you at least pretend?
Or is that too much to ask of you, you megalomaniac?

Joel? Joel, put down that bottle! Your hands will
get all sticky, honey.

3)
Will you shut up? Calm down! Take one of those
pills.
Those fuckers only care about one thing: whether or
not we can pay the tuition,
and thanks to me, we can, and believe me, I've been
paying ever since–

Yes, sport, Daddy sees the apple.

Will you calm down already?
We can buy and sell these fuckers.
If they let Joel in, we'll just build them a new
computer lab or something.
Believe me, they'll never say "autism" again once
they hear me say "endowment!"

Will you leave him alone? No wonder he's like that!
Why would you dress the boy in cashmere in April,
anyway? He'll sweat like an animal!

4)
Marriott Hotel Resort Suites
100% Pure Maple Syrup
1.7 Ounces–that's
52.7 milliliters, well
52.725.
The average maple would have to bleed through a
1/2 inch-diameter spigot for
17 minutes to get this much.

At
15 calories per
5 milliliters, this bottle contains approximately
156.85 calories, or
1/9th of the average adult woman's daily diet on
planet Earth.
If the average adult woman on planet Earth,
Maybe that woman in the photo with the camels
in Dad's paper today, poured out
1.7 ounces of
100% pure maple syrup on the food she was cooking in
the photo
For her children, her children
Would have a sweet taste in their mouths,
Maybe for the first time ever. They're hungry.

I infer that they would smile for at least
2 1/2 minutes,
150 seconds, especially if
The Mom and the Dad
Would just stop fighting and notice the taste of
100% pure maple syrup with them.

5)
Apple! Apple! Apple! Apple!
Hallelujah! Apple! Hallelujah! Apple!
Apple! Apple! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!